foster care

What is was supposed to be

This was supposed to be a mommy blog. You know: Look at the cute things the kids did. Can you believe that actually happened? Are fourteen month olds supposed to be able to open the front door. What it actually is turning into is one big rant against the system.

What is parenting supposed to be? Tiring? Yes. Absolutely. You get up, get the kids ready for school. Pick them up from school/daycare/bus stop. Do homework. Eat dinner. Maybe go to the playground. Read a story, brush teeth and bed time. Instead parenting is nag, nag, nag, don’t sit on your brother, nag, nag, nag, eat your dinner or you are going to bed, did you want to go to the playground, don’t run behind that car! Go To Bed!!! This sounds like any tv sitcom. In our house, I feel like I’m the conductor and the kids are smashing on the drums twenty four seven.

Even good days are quickly over run by bad behavior, tears, and cranky over tired children that can’t get enough sleep no matter what I do.

Add in the appointments, the tutoring, the doctors, the teachers, caseworkers, guardian ad litems, and now attorney ad litems. We use an app called COZI to track all of our appointments. This weeks list makes me want to hide under my desk and never come out. Yesterday there was a conflict between an appointment with a doctor (that we knew about) and an appointment with an attorney that NO ONE told us about. And we got scolded because we did not attend.

How it’s supposed to be? We work as a team in the best interest of the child. I honestly think there should be help, especially for cases where kids have medical issues. The “system” staff is overworked, underpaid and a lot of times too scattered to know who is who and what is what. That team mentality doesn’t seem to happen too often. Each individual is working frantically to get the bare minimum done. There are definitely good people in the “system” and we have individuals who are a godsend to us. But a lot of times, it feels like we are banging our heads against a very strong wall.

Why continue, when kids, adults, and professionals exhibit bad behavior. Because those kids have so much potential and need someone to keep screaming at the top of their lungs, banging their head, and advocating for them.

Sorry for the rant.

foster care

Get me off the Roller coaster!

Foster care is not for the faint of heart. I am a very emotional and anxious person with a big heart and that can be a serious disadvantage when dealing with the rigors of the “system” in the foster care world.

First you have the biological parents. You have sympathy/empathy and anger towards them, especially if they are doing NOTHING for their plan and have substance abuse issues.

Second you have really difficult conversations with the foster kids. Whether they’ve been with you a day, a year or (I’m assuming) ten years, the talks are hard. Mason (3) asked what my last name is and what Joe’s last name in. Then Fiona, the 6 year old half sister, states clearly and with intent, her last name. Joe and I just look at each other. Mommy and Daddy have to explain that their biological parents love them but can’t take care of them.

Third, you have an entire system of people judging your every move. Every cough, diaper rash and bad hair day can be used against you. Any one can come into your house and pull those kids out at a moment’s notice. There is always an element of fear, especially if you are hoping to adopt.

If you are on the road to TPR, every congratulations on “potentially” being able to adopt is actually a tragedy. Your new family is due to a traumatic event that will never be healed. Foster to adopt always ends in heartbreak for someone.

I’m sitting here, sweating it out, waiting for a text from the caseworker. He is on his way to speak to the biological parents.